Imposter Syndrome Gets No More Power From Me
I get a giddy, bittersweet feeling when my best friends describe me to others.
They'll blurt out statements like:
She's a big-time writer.
She's interviewed entrepreneurs, CEOs, doctors, you name it.
She can write anything.
I stay reminded that my tribe is the best tribe.
But my denial game is strong:
Nah, not really.
Me? Big-time?
Barely!
I thought they were insane for stretching the truth, but I'll still smile through my sweaty palms and frantic butterflies. The most challenging reality is that I've accomplished some amazing things. I've treated every poetry show and published work like another opportunity to prove that I'm a writer. I've done the absolute most because I have been the only Black woman millennial professional in the workplace. Still, I have yet to reap the benefits. If I continue proving myself, am I worthy enough to make strides in the world?
During one of our sessions, my therapist introduced me to the term "imposter syndrome." I explained to her that I doubted some of my most recent published articles. Usually, my articles receive positive feedback, but I knew somebody would find a flaw in something. There was an added responsibility on me to ensure that the following article had to be better than the last. Why couldn't I bask in my dreams of always wanting to write? I was unsure then.
My therapist, Mrs. Gray, stated to me:
Atiya, I think some of what you're experiencing is similar to imposter syndrome.
I had heard that term before but never identified with it. This time, it gave me chills. Our session led me to an earlier interview that actress Viola Davis did about her experiences with the "syndrome." She said, "all artists have imposter syndrome." She even claimed that imposter syndrome keeps you humble and working. I left with a heavy load. Why does wanting to be great have to be defined in this way? In this case, "a diagnosis." So, I had the urge to look deeper. According to an article published in the Harvard Business Review:
"Imposter syndrome," or doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud at work, is a diagnosis often given to women. But the fact that it's considered a diagnosis at all is problematic. The concept, whose development in the '70s excluded the effects of systemic racism, classism, xenophobia, and other biases, took a fairly universal feeling of discomfort, second-guessing, and mild anxiety in the workplace and pathologized it, especially for women.
I am a Black woman. My ancestors and I have been linked to common experiences of navigating stereotypes that hold us back for ages. They hold us back from reaching our full potential and serving as mentors and role models for the next generations to come. This concept, I feel, has little to do with our lack of confidence and more to do with the ongoing systematic oppression that has always presented struggles in our lives. Its endless cycle poisons the environments we take space in. That's it.
According to a study by Heriot-Watt University and the School for CEOs, an article published by CNBC stated: More than half of women said they have felt like impostors, compared to only 24% of men.
You are among the few black women of your graduating class at a predominantly white institution. You might doubt your authentic voice after a white English professor mocks your fellow sisters' lack of grammatical knowledge. It can be intimidating to be out of three Black women enrolled in your college-level dance class. You might feel underqualified or ignored because you are paid less than your white male counterpart. Why? Still, educational institutions, workplaces, and social circles make us feel like we don't belong because we weren't supposed to be invited.
I've had to come back to this article several times. I needed to avoid the sound of perfection and the English writing style manuals. I needed to put on my dancing shoes, shake off this concept, and remember who I am.
All I'm saying is, imposter syndrome gets no power from me. It was conceptualized to be another shackle and to manipulate you to think you're the problem. To take the focus off the real issues. If we can't change the environment, create these spaces where we can channel self-doubt into healthier and positive motivation. We have always possessed the power to fill spaces where we feel empowered. And where we can see and interact with people who look like us. And represent proudly. Lead powerfully and advocate collectively. We build our own foundations and businesses.
I am speaking for all my black and colored sisters, and I am speaking to the younger generation. Know what you are, who you are, where you come from, and why you're here.
The answers to those questions will make sense to everything, and it will become clear to you that, among other things, we are deeply human. No impostors over here!