Sankofa: “it is not taboo to fetch what is at risk of being left behind.”

It’s January 2020. You can find me journaling in the warm breeze. My view is giving me Caribbean vibes. It’s overlooking a waving Panama flag at the top of the steep Ancon Hill.   

For the next two months, my mornings come alive to every friendly “Buenas” greeting and welcoming embrace.  I love the morning rush at Albrook Station. I lean against the railing of a bridge that connects both sides of the station, and I imagine the stories of travellers as they arrive and depart.  I can still see the birds set off on a new journey, as the last few remaining legendary “ Diablo Rojo” buses come and go.

Gentle Reminder:

Disengage, sometimes, and allow the rawest, creative parts to come out of you.

My days are full of genuine curiosity. I always wonder if my young Panamanian grandmother experienced the same adventures. I love admiring Casco Viejo for its colorful, timeless architecture, brick roads, and store front gems. If I can imagine the joy I feel when I connect with Panamanian food, I would. Too often,  I’m eating lunch at El Trapiche. Their empanadas and Emparedado De Ropa Vieja are the best comfort food. 

Everyday, I see myself as a warrior. I’m  grateful for the nature hikes and the food market adventures. I love that I bond so easily with some of the students at school. My adorable Spanish profesor is the highlight of my day. I’m  learning how to be patient with myself as I learn how to communicate socially. The more that I connect with family here, the more my heart opens, and the better I understand my ancestral history. I’m exploring islands, dancing on rooftops, and connecting with beautiful souls far and wide.  I can create these rich experiences on my own, even thousands of miles away from all that I am attached to. Because my art of navigating the world is compassionate and daring. 

Gentle Reminder:

View the possibility of reinventing yourself as an opportunity.

As I reflect on my past year, I continue to self-realize that my experiences uniquely serve a purpose in my life. On my first solo international trip is where my experiences as a Black single woman in her twenties began to extraordinarily unfold. Unfortunately it was cut short, and just like many of you, I was forced to be confined in my home for months. The stillness evoked feelings that led me to believe that Panama was all for nothing. 

Gentle Reminder:

You cannot find external solutions to solve internal problems.

 Most days, I was forced to acknowledge that I was running from issues that Panama couldn’t heal. Some days, I carried the pain of my black community as we mourned the black men and women who were unjustly shot or killed by police officers in 2020. The turmoil of the COVID-19 global pandemic was up-close and unavoidable, and for many of us, too personal. My journal became an inventory of all my emotions that I spent countless days untangling.

 My experiences in Panama brought me so much closer to myself, having learnt how to loosen my grip and let go in a new environment. But I didn’t know how to apply those lessons to this new navigation of change and pain. I longed to mingle with nature, explore new heights, nurture relationships, and celebrate with my writings as if I was still in Panama. 

Gentle Reminder:

Reconsider the issues that you were not aware of. Awareness brings change.

Real talk. I’ve been hiding behind these words for quite some time. I was pulled back into old habits of negative fear-based thinking, while in quarantine. It was our “new normal”. This new normal was tough, but I embraced its teachings. I didn’t like stagnation, but I appreciate the process of looking inward.

Gentle Reminder:

 In stillness, reflection is the key to unlocking perspective when I lose it.

It hits different when you’re returning back to life from chaos. Currently unvaccinated and navigating the streets of New York City, I’m accepting the hard truth that the world is changing. Energies are shifting and expanding. My desired lifestyle doesn’t involve me getting lost in that. I have to reset my mind. I want to explore my fears and my gifts, but not allow them to define me. It’s imperative that I free myself of what was. Leave it be. I am saying yes to distinguishing the things that I can and cannot control.

Embracing change in my life allows me to design the life I want to live. This continuing journey reminds me of how proud I am to have trusted my intuition with zero expectations. 

When’s my next solo trip, you may ask? 

Gentle Reminder:

The clearest voice will always be your own.