It’s no secret that the past year has shown us a lot of change. Routines have changed, relationships have shifted and the world has transformed into a version which we had never seen before. With the back-to-back changes, the burden began to feel heavier and heavier for many of us. For me, returning to therapy was the best option. Although this wasn’t my first time seeking therapy, the most recent time allowed me to reflect on these five lessons I’ve learned from therapy over the years.

1. Identifying My Triggers

One of the greatest things about talk therapy is starting to notice where your thought process begins and ends. My therapists would often help me reflect on my childhood and notice where certain patterns began. Having the ability to access past situations and talk through them helped me realize where some of my current habits and triggers formed. With this knowledge, I’m able to have an inner dialogue with myself before making a decision based only on my emotional triggers. 

2. Setting Boundaries in Relationships

Since childhood, I’ve always been a more soft-spoken, reserved person. Oftentimes, I would refrain from saying what I really felt for the sake of sparing other people’s feelings. Prior to therapy, I felt I simply had to accept what others offered in relationships without putting up an argument to avoid conflict. However, my therapists challenged me to set boundaries in all my relationships by communicating my true feelings in a way that was still respectful and reflective of the type of person I am. Some of those conversations were certainly uncomfortable. However, those same uncomfortable conversations have allowed for a more open dialogue between me and my loved ones so we can both feel equally valued.

3. Validating My Feelings

Self-doubt is a real thing. I often find myself repeating conversations in my head over and over again, questioning if I said the right thing or made the correct choice. I could write a full length film script by simply creating and re-creating scenarios in my mind that have long since passed. In addition to this, I’ve internalized certain comments in my past that were just meant to gaslight me and make me feel as if my feelings carried no value. This led me to believe I was making a “big deal” out of situations that didn’t warrant that response when, in actuality, that wasn’t the case. Talking to a therapist taught me to trust my gut feeling and not let the opinions of others seep into my psyche. 

4. Our Parents Are People

Therapy also taught me that parents are people. I know. It sounds like a simple fact. However, I previously held my parents up on unrealistic pedestals and thought they were immune to missteps just because they were my parents. Navigating relationships with my parents as an adult has shown me  they were only making the best decisions based on the information they had at the moment. Sometimes they make mistakes and sometimes they don’t. But that’s all a part of the human experience that even our parents aren’t exempt from. They were people before they were our parents and they will still be people with their own autonomy after we’re all grown up.

5. “The Work” is An Ongoing Process

One of the last things therapy taught me is that “the work” may never be done. What is “the work” you ask? There are many definitions floating around to describe what the exact meaning is. But I define it as the purposeful journey to discover our motivations & reach self-healing. The keyword in the definition is “journey” because it is certainly not something that will happen overnight. The first time I went to therapy I thought, “After a good 6 months, I should be cured.” However, the joke was on me. After 6 months, I began to look forward to going to therapy to divulge all the details of the previous week. Although I felt better about my situation, I certainly didn’t feel “cured” by any means and that was simply because a cure for life’s ups and downs does not exist. 

As I continue to seek out regular therapy, I become excited at the prospect of digging just a bit deeper into my mind to discover why I am who I am. With therapy, I know I have a safe space to release my frustrations and share my wins with someone else who I know is in my corner. I’m looking forward to discovering the many lessons that will naturally follow with more therapy. The journey continues.